So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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