my mouth tastes like poor choices
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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