THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
party gras won. party gras always wins.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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