When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize