I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
