i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
