FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Oh god it's open bar.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
