is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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