i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize