im drinking this country out of the recession.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
