Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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