I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
