god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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