ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
