Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
They have beer where we have blood.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
