Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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