I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
