Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
