Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
