Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize