i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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