matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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