bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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