We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
