see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
