Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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