i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
it's like iHOP with fire
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize