So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
