it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
