trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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