I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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