Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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