It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
