I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I am spending my child support on dildos
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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