Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
they're like a gay fantastic four
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize