Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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