you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
