I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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