That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just made my gag reflex go away.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
