it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Randomize
