I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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