I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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