haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
