he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
