my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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