Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
