i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
