im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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