When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
