Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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