She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
