what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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