i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Don't EVER smell your tampon
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize