i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
