So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
