hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize