I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
