i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
