Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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