Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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