Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
