he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
