Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
