The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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