I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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