Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
