This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
