you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
