We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
