Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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