Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
