i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize