About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
