if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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