My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
