i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
