I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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